Don’t fall victim to a “Tinder Swindler”

A new dating disaster true-crime documentary “The Tinder Swindler”  currently in Netflix’s top 10 has brought up questions on online dating safety. In this film, con artist Shimon Hayut poses as an heir to a billionaire, preys on women he quickly forms a deep bond with, then manipulates them into taking out loans, giving him money with promises of repayment. However, he is consistently traveling for most of the relationship, stating that his illustrious diamond company puts him in danger of staying in one place. He then spends excessive amounts of money on dinners, cars, clothes, and more under the women’s names. In the end, he leaves victims like Cecilie Fjellhøy in crippling debt.  It is his charm, private jets, unliimited champagne and quick professions of love and “comittment” that lure these otherwise smart women into his clutches.  He is the case of the ultimate “catfish”/conman. While this story played out on a grand scale, there are others that occur every day on a smaller scale, that leave love seekers duped and heartbroken.

Dr. Joanne Frederick is a Washington, D.C licensed mental health counselor. She shares a few tips on how to keep yourself safe from a potential dating app manipulator.

Beware of “Love-bombing”

It’s easy to fall head over heels for someone who seems smitten when in reality, it can be a tactic to make it easier to manipulate you. When someone almost immediately showers another person with love, affection, gifts, etc., as means of building trust. Romance scammers tend to love-bomb at the beginning of the relationship to make you feel special, creating the illusion that you have a real connection.

That is precisely what The Tinder Swindler did, taking women on lavish trips and making over-the-top romantic gestures.

They make BIG promises

Con artists are narcissists who often believe their own lies. They become so immersed in their delusions that when they put together a profile on a dating app, you can’t help but face them straight on. Even before you decide to swipe right, there are red flags that you shouldn’t ignore.

To begin with, you should never go out with anyone who flaunts a title like ‘prince of diamonds’ on their Tinder profile. It’s almost guaranteed that billionaire heirs don’t use Tinder. If they use apps at all, they’re most likely on private, upper-class apps like Raya and The League, which both require a membership along with an application and admission to join. People that are overly flashy on dating apps will likely not live up to it in real life. These people are probably superficial, shallow, and probably won’t even pay for the first date.

Do they have multiple photos of them leaning against Bentleys in various colors? Swipe left!

It seems too good to be true

As cliche as it may sound; If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

When someone seems undoubtedly perfect, there is likely something they are hiding. It’s entirely possible to meet an attractive, charming, single person whom you can potentially fall in love with, but if you don’t spot any flaws and they profess their love for you right away, you should be wary.

Yes, dating them can sound perfect and carefree, but leave the “sweeping off your feet” and love bombing to romance movies.

Things move very quickly

When someone wants something from you, and they have ill intentions, they move fast in order to gain your trust, get what they want, and vanish. Not only is there love-bombing, over-the-top dates that leave you on cloud nine, but they also seem to be moving the relationship from zero to 100 in record time. And it’s all part of an emotional con, which is what one of the journalists states in the film.

For example, after only a month, Hayut had Fjellhøy looking for apartments in London (with a $15,000/month budget), with promises of moving in together and starting a family as soon as possible. At the same time, Ayleen Charlotte, another one of his ‘girlfriends,’ was looking for places in Amsterdam. Undoubtedly, Hayut had no plans of bringing either of these situations to actuality. It was a way of keeping the women interested until the money ran out and he could move on to his next target.

They are overtly curious

While it’s normal to ask questions in order to get to know someone, it should raise a red flag when the questions start feeling like they’re investigating.

This can be difficult to recognize because it’s normal to give and take when starting a new relationship. But if there’s an excessive amount of inquiries coming your way, make sure to put your guard up. Repeated questions about past relationships could mean that the scammer is trying to build their persona into one that’s appealing to you. Or they could even be probing for answers to common security questions. For example, your mother’s name, first car, first pet, the city you were born in, etc.

Do you think anyone is genuinely that curious about your mother’s maiden name? The answer is no.

They avoid in-person dates

Although Hayut was open to meeting the women he conned right away, some scammers put off having that first in-person meeting.

While this red flag may not necessarily be a scam, it might be a sign that you’re not speaking to a real person. Some conversations will seem genuine and flow, but you’ll eventually meet a blocker when you try to bring things into real life. They may dodge your questions or give particularly vague answers about why they can’t.

The problem is, even if you don’t meet them in person, you very will still run the risk of falling for their words alone and developing deep feelings for a fictional being. It’s a textbook case of catfishing and can be detrimental when they finally get bored with the game they’ve started and decide to just disappear.

http://www.jflcounseling.org

Licensed Professional Mental Health Counselor Washington, D.C

Dr. Joanne Frederick has been in the field of Counseling for over 25 years as a University Professor and a Counselor in Private Practice. Dr. Frederick specializes in treating people with Anxiety, Depression, Relationship issues, Terminal illnesses, and learning disabilities. She works with individuals, couples, groups, adults and children.

She holds a Doctorate Degree in Counseling from the George Washington University in Rehabilitation Counseling, a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of Baltimore, and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Morgan State University.

She is also a Licensed Professional Counselor in the District of Columbia. A Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in Maryland, and a National Certified Counselor.

Dr. Frederick is the author of the book Copeology. Is it an anthology available on Amazon that covers how to deal with grief and loss, being a black man in the world today, disabilities, surviving Covid-19, infidelity, anxiety and fears, trauma, and single parenting.

Dr. Frederick is currently the Executive Director of a Nonprofit 501 (c) (3) organization named Holistic Opportunities Propelling Everyone. This organization provides counseling, mentorship, and educational workshops within underserved communities.

She has many written and presentation publications concerning mentorship, supervision, and counseling, to name a few. Her most recent work consists of coining the term “Bibliopsychoeducation “. This term refers to the infusion of Biblical works and scriptures with psychology as a means of enhancing coping skills. She is a mother of three and a Member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc. and Iota Phi Lambda Sorority Inc. In addition, she takes pride in her Caribbean-American Heritage.